*wrecked and joy

the other day i found out about the wreck this journal and became hell bent on having one, i fell in love. the concept to me is quite an awesome one, a book with it's only purpose is to be wrecked! the moto of the book : to destroy is to create. LOVE that.

after obsessing about the book for a couple days, my bf and i went to chapters and after our scavenger hunt for this book, i bought one for my best friend meg who is moving, and my bf bought me one. and that is one of the reasons i love him and did judge about the book and it's concept he bought me one fully knowing that its to be destroyed. i love him so much and my book too!

so stoked , let the wrecking begin!

*peace&kisses <3

*late night writing

last night i could  not seem to find sleep as i wrote on here last night. at one point i thought up something i wanted to write, i did and was very content with the words that found their way on to the page 

"Once we accepted it, i that he really did love me  and he that he was finally ready to love again after the heart break, that he could let me in and i wouldn't hurt him. From then on i knew we'd be together a long time. Because the love that i feel for him in my heart and the love for me that i see in his eyes when he looks at me, well that is true love."

i know its not that great, sometimes i don't quite know how to formulate a sentence properly, you know even tho i've seen it at school a bunch of times i guess it didn't stick. but i'm still pleased with this because it describes a ver important time in my life, and that man is very dear to me and i love him so very much. put that into words makes me happy.

*peace&kisses <3

*sleepless night & chatty brains

so i absolutely canot sleep, i just lay there trying to sleep but my brain decides to not shut the fuck up and think about EVERYTHING! man its annoying sometimes-_-

aside from thinking about everything from the great gatsby and how i want to watch all the adaptions of that movie and others of my favourite novels, to some outfits i'd like to wear and buy, and a ton of other random stuff like i want to make photograph murals and that i need more wall space for that.

i also saw the trailer for the new adaption for on the road before bed and i got really excited when i saw that since its one of my all time favourite novels, so i watch the trailer and who do i fucking see, KRISTEN FUCKING STEWART... i just died a bit inside.

 i was so depressed about that! i really don't like her, she ruins perfectly good movies in my opinion and she always seems to have weaselled her way into the movies i want to see. this just saddens me so deeply since she cannot act and will surely ruin mary-lou i'm sure of it! gah i'm very depressed about this:(

*peace&kisses <3

*nachos and lazy days

Sorry dearies that i haven't wrote anything in a while but life got pretty shit a couple weeks ago and i just didn't have it in me to do anything let alone blog. two days before christmas my dear boy friend announces to me that he wasn't happy in a relationship right now that he needed time to him self and such,at the time i guess i was so in shock because i wasn't crying, i was consoling him because he felt like a total ass hole for what he was doing to me two days before christmas none the less, that and i was deeply trying to figure this out, figure out a way that i could still be with my dear love. It was no use, his mind was made up and no matter how hard i tried to think of something he just wanted to be single for now. And i guess at this point it might have clicked a bit that it was over because i started to quietly sob thinking i had ruined yet an other relationship, and now with the man i was in love with. I was obviously thinking of everything i had ever done in this relationship with him and thinking everything i did drove him away.He started crying too because he knew he hadn't only broken my heart but that he ha broken me completely. He grabs my chin and lifts my face so that i'm looking at him with tears still streaming down my cheeks, he he looks in to my eyes, so intensely that it made the dagger in my heart twist even more, he looks at me  and says"gab i still love you so much and don't ever think otherwise, but i have to do this and and i'm so sorry"

This obviously makes me cry harder but i know he loves me but i just comprehend why... He holds me tighter as were both still crying

*peace&kisses <3

*bye bye weekend & fishermen pants

hello lovies, soo the weekend is over and it was a fairly good weekend, it had its ups and downs but over was good. the only thing was a real bummer was working this weekend, and plus that working in the rain! lol oh well!

apart from the rain and such, when i told my bf about my plan about the budget, he got on board with the plan and decided to save money as well! i'm thrilled that that he's saving money too, i've been trying to convince him of opening a saving account for a couple months now, and he was so dead set agains it! but this is great he's going to save and help me with my savings!

so i've broken out the fishermen pants today! god i love these kind of pants, there so comfy  and just wish i had more of them! the only thing about about my pair is that the are like orange and pinstripe. hard to match with a top for sure. i usually wear it with a black top which is the best i can do without looking like a clown! i really want a couple more pairs so i can wear they comfiness more often! Also my buby laughs every time i wear them, he says their pyjama pants! ughhh! oh well i still love them and him so they both get to stay;D

*peace&kisses <3

*new begging and the future

good goddess, i'm terrible at writing a blog, but i shall do better and try my best to write! anyways today i went to the bank and talking about all this the "future" and being "responsible" and all that jazz. it mad be think that yes i want to be responsible and yes i want to start saving for the future! i want to eventually buy my own place and live on my own, i want that so badly. i think i can do it! and its time to stop acting like a child, i'm not one anymore. possibly if i start acting like an adult, my parents might ease up and let me be an adult and let me use my money the way i see fit. i mean that is what adults do right?

on top of all that i also decided to make amens with certain people that i have done wrong by or even if they have done wrong by me that does matter i feel that there is possibly bad karma or even just bad energy with that, and i don't want any of it! i want to be a better person, and i want good karma. i'm tired of the bad that keeps happening so good karma here i come!

as i think about all of that and  and reread everything , i find that i've quite and emotionally exhausting day so far. but its good these are thing that need to done. i can't live at home forever with my parents with no conscious of how to live on my on with my own money and making my own way in the world.  

anyways i have a lot to think about and i am determined to do this and i am quite certain i can do this even if my parents might not think so. i can do this! :]

*peace&kisses <3

*mood swings and intimate moments

honestly yes i know i sound like a little school girl and such when i say i'm in love with my boy friend, but literally i am. yea i've had multiple boy friends and multiple "guy friends" but never anything like this. he is my first love. if not my true love, and its cute cause we wen't out for coffee tonight with him best friend and that what he said about us, true love.
we are so kissy and cuddly and so affectionate with each other very often, like we'll cuddle on the couch and possibly fall asleep or whatever. or like tonight i muted the tv to only hear his heart beat and soft breath. and he knows that why i did it, i think he can some times read my mind and tells me he can read me. he does know me better then anyone.
and he also tolerates me when i started that week, mood swings like theres no tomorrow, snarky one second and pretty much bawling my eyes out the next and completely staying clam and going with it and trying to sooth me and make me laugh just to see me smile. he would do anything for me and i know it.
The absolute best part was our super intimate moment, nose to nose giving each other eskimo kisses and singing our song while i weep a tad cause im still an emotional mess but mostly because it was a beautiful moment and i just love him to much.

anyways enough of my sap stories:p

Peace&Kisses<3